This, from
Salon.com, is hilarious:
G.I. Joe Is a Fake: Veterans group says military hero lied about his record; claims evil villains escaped his clutches during war against Cobra.
Aug. 14, 2004 | WASHINGTON -- As G.I. Joe, the leader of America's daring, highly trained special missions force, celebrates his 40th anniversary this summer, a group of veterans has aired television advertisements attacking his military record. The ads, purchased by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth, accuse Joe of lying about his war record and letting villains escape throughout the 1985-86 war against Cobra, Destro and the forces of evil.
In one 60-second ad, veterans of the two-year-long, completely televised war -- in which every weekday afternoon American troops fought Cobra, a ruthless terrorist organization determined to rule the world -- speak out about G.I. Joe. "I served with G.I. Joe," says one veteran, Thomas Ross. "G.I. Joe is no real American hero."
In interviews yesterday arranged by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth, a nonprofit arm of a little-known think tank called Serpentine Enterprises, the veterans -- low-level G.I. Joe foot soldiers, all code-named "grunts" -- were unanimous in describing Joe as an incompetent leader unfit for command and not worthy of honor. Ross, a blue laser gunner 1st class, described the ordeal he was put through during the celebrated incident in which the entire male leadership of the Joe team was hypnotized by the Baroness and her Conch of the Sirens.
... [Ross added:] "G.I. Joe said he'll fight for freedom wherever there's trouble. That was a lie."
. . .
In a press conference today, the public faces of G.I. Joe -- Hawk, Lady Jaye, Flint and Sgt. Slaughter -- assembled outside G.I. Joe headquarters. . . .
. . .
Asked about the number of times G.I. Joe let major international terrorists escape, Flint scoffed. "Let them escape? No way. These guys have escape plans, jet packs, submarines constantly at the ready. We're just trying to foil their plans while keeping all our men safe. That's why the 1985-86 Cobra war was the only war ever fought by U.S. troops in which no American or enemy soldiers died."
Flint stepped back as Sgt. Slaughter took the microphone, shouting that two of the veterans in the TV ad bought by G.I. Joe Veterans for Truth were obviously Crimson Commander twins Tomax and Xamot in disguise. Lady Jaye came to the microphone and gently dismissed Slaughter's accusation. "We are, however, worried that the ads might be secretly funded by Cobra," Jaye added. "You reporters should remember that politically motivated advertisements aren't always what they seem. Often, back in the shadows, the people pulling the strings might not be interested in telling the truth."
The reporters at the press conference, surprised, smiled and clapped each other on the back. "Now we know," said Rick Atkinson, a correspondent for the Washington Post.
"And knowing," said Lady Jaye, "is half the battle."
In related news:
--Dick Cheney lashed out at Joe team member Lifeline, the medic who opposes violence, calling him a "Pussy-ass bitch." Lifeline responded: "The Vice President didn't kill any one when he had the chance because he had `other priorities.' At least I don't kill people out of principle."
--Members of the GI Joe Veterans for Truth have been featured prominently on the Fox News Channel, with Sean Hannity recently asking one of them whether GI Joe was actually filled with a bunch of liberal traitors because they shoot blue lasers, and blue, as we all know, is the color of the Democrats. Alan Colmes responded that he agreed that the choice of color was curious but thought that G.I. Joe was really more of a moderate, like himself, though he's Democrat, which G.I. Joe may or may not be.
--Mutt and his dog, Junkyard, appeared at a disciplinary hearing today for their involvement in interrogations at Abu Ghraib prison.
--Cobra Commander was recently revealed to be, in fact, Rupert Murdoch.